Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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