Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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