At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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