Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
