Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
