I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
