The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
