If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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