this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
