im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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