that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
