if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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