This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
