First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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