what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize