I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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