Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
