I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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