I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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