How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently you make a good broom.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Randomize
