that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
