My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
