Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
