last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
