apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
