Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
