Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
