What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
