I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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