What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
