my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize