I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
