the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
