I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize