He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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