I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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