There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
