If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize