i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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