Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
