Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
