Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
