I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
