the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize