That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
