Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
