So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize