Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need water and some morals
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
