i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
