I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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