oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
