My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
