just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
