I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize