I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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