Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
