Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
