you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
