last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
