That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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