i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
