Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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