im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
