i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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