Im at strip club and am horny
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
