I will die if light touches me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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