The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
