Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
