how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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