Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize