oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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