i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize