The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
