kristin has been a bad kristin
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize