Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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